Cast: Josh, my phone, and Me
Scene: Waiting to pick up a prescription. Josh is playing with my phone and I am people watching, the usual.
Josh: "Hey Mommy, can you download this Toy Story Coloring App for me?" (as he shows me a little app tease/picture on my phone)
Me: "Only if it is free." (It was, and it's awesome- "Toy Story Color Pages, fyi).
"I'm sorry, Josh. I can't figure out how to do it. We'll have to wait."
Josh: "Here, let me show you!"
He grabs the phone out of my hand and EXPERTLY installs the app without even needing to use the "back" button ONCE!!! This is a very dangerous skill.
Cast: Josh and Me and the 75 or so audience members.
Scene: Just before Josh's Pre-K Christmas Choir concert.
Me: "What is your favorite song you get to sing at your concert at school today, Josh?"
Josh: "Jingle Bells because I get to play my guitar."
Me: "Oh really? Did the teachers ask you to play your guitar?"
Josh: "No, it's just my thing I do when I sing Jingle Bells. You'll see."
Here let me zoom in for you...
The Air Guitar. That is right. He was really having fun up there, the video of his air guitar solo is priceless.
Cast: 8 year old little girl and Chris.
Scene: Chris walking into a family's home on his evening as a volunteer Santa for our neighborhood PTA.
Santa (aka: Chris): "Ho, Ho, Ho!! Santa is here!"
Little girl, so excited her head is about to pop off: "Hi, Santa! I'm Susie! I'm a big fan!"
Cast: Josh, my phone, and me.
Scene: At the breakfast table.
Josh (talking like a robot): "I. Would. Like. Some. Milk. Question. Mark."
Me: Looking at Josh like he is nuts, "What?"
Josh: "I. Would. Like. Some. Milk. Question. Mark." (Insert sly smile here).
Me: Staring blankly at him. 5 minutes later, still staring. Not getting it. Blank.
Josh: Still smiling at me, that cheeky little thing.
FINALLY! I get it.
You see, my phone has a cool voice-recognition ability to type text messages, but you have to talk VERY slowly and clearly (kind of like a robot... you see where this is going) to be understood or else you will be sending a friend, " Do you half any hot pants?" Instead of, "Do you have afternoon plans?" You also have to speak your punctuation marks in order for them to be typed into the message. So, I often will speak "Do you want to go to the park question mark." in the car while speaking a text message. I guess Josh has picked up on is now mocking me. Hilarious and sad at the same time.
Cast: Josh and Hanna
Scene: Hanna's Gingerbread House decorating Party.
Josh: "Hanna, can you give me the purple sprinkles so I can make snow, please?" ( I don't know if he really said please, but I'm going with the power of positive thinking on this one).
Hanna: "I don't have purple, but I have green and yellow."
Josh: "Oh no. Not yellow. You shouldn't eat yellow snow."
Cast: Josh and Me
Scene: At bedtime after reading a devotional about how we can show our friends, family, and God that we love them.
Me: "What is one way you can show God that you love Him?"
I was looking for the following type of answer... tell Him I love Him, love others, be kind, pray, be thankful, you get the point. Instead he said,
Josh: "Well, let's see... hummmm..... ummmm. OH!!!! I know! If His toes are cold, I can get a blanket and cover His toes for Him."
Cast: Josh, MatthewJones, Isabella, Diego and Will
Scene: Houston trip to visit my college girlfriends and their kids. This happened all weekend long, during dinner-time, bedtime, bath-time, park-time, you get the point... it was repeat act all weekend.
Entire ensemble: "Go Whiskers, Go, Whiskers, Go Whiskers."
Explanation: We have no idea. All of them were chanting this all weekend and we have no idea what they were talking about. But, it was funny, slightly annoying, but funny nonetheless.
Cast: Josh
Scene: Riding on Diego's super awesome green four -wheeler.
Josh: "Mommy! I forgot to tell Santa I want one of these car things. How can we get a hold of him?????"
Me (using my awesome non-verbal communication skills): "In your dreams, little man."
I had to include this funny picture of Tricia in the background. There is no quote needed here, just look at her face.
Here let me zoom in for you....
I love you, T.
Cast: Josh, an apple, and me.
Scene: Amidst decorating a gingerbread house with mounds of candy surrounding us.
Me: "Josh have an apple for a snack while we decorate the gingerbread house."
Josh (using his awesome non-verbable communication skills): "You've GOT to be joking me, Mom."
As you can see (lower right corner), the apple remained untouched.
Scene: As they are watching Finding Nemo before bedtime.
Any given Mom present in the room at that time:
"Do you need to brush your teeth."
Kids: Silence.
"You need to clean up the toys."
Kids: Silence .
"Are you getting sleepy?"
Kids: Silence .
"Do you need a drink?"
Kids: Silence.
The entire cast of children: Silence.
TV is a scary device for young minds.
Cast: Josh and Me.
Scence: Josh walks into the kitchen pants-less and very calm (which is unsual for him; the calm part, not pants-less part).
Josh: "Mommy, can I please have a towel, please? Thank you."
He did use manners in this situation, I remember becuase he was very intent on making sure I noticed. That is always a bad sign; as if running into the kitchen pants-less isn't a bad enough sign.
Me: "Why?"
Josh: "Well, you see, I am magical and got pee allllllllll over the bathroom." (Using wide arm motions to signify "all over").
Nice.
Is that what it is called?
"Magical?"
Have a magically holiday season, friends!
3 comments:
I laughed out loud in my office (picture one massive open space) when i read that last "scene". Many confused looks....
I don't live a fearful life I swear! But in that moment I could just see Matt go speeding off into the street unable to stop himself and his baby brother toddling after him. So glad I could play the part of nervous Mom for everyone! It's hilarious though...it says so much. :)
Josh is a comic genius, whether he knows it or not. The hand motions really make it come alive in that last little vignette. I also plan to work "Go Whiskers" into casual usage.
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