A Filthy Saturday.

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like no matter how many times you shower, you still feel totally gross. Kind of like, after I eat pancakes and drink milk, I have to brush my teeth at least three times for them to feel clean again.

Saturday, was one of those days.

Here are step-by-step instructions on how to have a Filthy Saturday.

STEP ONE:

Forego your usual healthy breakfast for gooey donuts with sprinkles.

STEP TWO:

Order up a nice green pallet of fresh sod to plant in your backyard, a.k.a: The Mud Pit.

STEP THREE:

Using a water hose, stand in the middle of The Mud Pit" and drown it with water in order to prepare the ground for new grass growth. Try desperately to keep the mud from splatting all over you, but eventually give in to the fact that you are about to receive a free mud bath.

STEP FOUR:

Once the grass has been planted and you are sufficiently covered in mud, invite your child out to help you clean off in the sprinkler. Don goggles in order to look extra cool during sprinkler time. You never know who you may run into, possibly a little leprechaun at the end of a rainbow?

STEP FIVE:

With goggles securely in place and just to get extra funky, ride in a super nasty, you -never-know-what -has-been-in-here, rented wheel barrow from Home Depot. At this point, realize that to boys, the more disgusting the better.

STEP SIX:

Now that the temperature is comparable to that of the surface of the sun, gather the family and go directly to the pool.

STEP SEVEN: But wait! As a courtesy to the fellow pool- goers, grab a quick shower so as to not leave bits of mud and sod in the neighborhood pool.

STEP EIGHT: After a nice dip and lunch at the pool grill, head home to let the little one slumber the afternoon away. While he sleeps, why not go back outside in the sweltering sun and refinish a picnic table? Sand away years of brightly colored paint from the old picnic table. I bet you didn't know it was possible to have so much paint dust blow in your face and hair. Maybe it is the sunscreen that is attracting the colored sawdust to stick to every inch of you.

STEP NINE: Refrain from touching anything in the house or else you will for sure leave behind fingerprints in the form of sawdust. Shower #2 of the day is necessary in order to go out in public.

STEP TEN: Honor your promises! If you promise your 3 year old you will take him to Toy Story 3 as soon as it comes out... you better do it, or else your day won't be the only thing that turns into a mess.

STEP ELEVEN: Yard work is no excuse to skip your daily cardio! Next stop, the gym for a quick run.

STEP TWELVE: You're already hot and sweaty, why not finish off that picnic table? Spray a bottle of bug spray all over you and head outside to finish painting the table.

STEP THIRTEEN: Unless you enjoy red paint streaks in your hair and Ode De Bug Spray, enjoy shower #3 before you crawl into bed to FINALLY rest your tired feet.

And THAT is how you get filthy (several different times) on a Saturday.